2/27/2007 Broke &Pregnant with number 5

2/27/2007

I feel like we work and work and work and we have zero reward. I 100 % know god Is real. I just want to know what I have to do to get through this fiincial trial .

Anthony works about 60 hours a week, I work about 50 with my Daycare and then 24/7 with the kids. How is this not enoough? Why can’t we go into the store and buy the things we need? I need new clothes, I want to be able to stay home with my own children.

Like I said, what do I have to learn to be able to move on from this same trial.

I feel like I have learned patients. But I also fear I have lost a lot too. My poor children. I can not stand the sound of crying but maybe that’s because I watch 3 under 2 for the last year and I am just over it?

I feel so bad for this baby. All my other pregnancies I couldn’t wait for birth, to meet the new little one . With this baby, I just want it to be over so I can get my mind straight the hormones under control. I don’t remember ever being this crazy. I can barely stand myself the more free time I have the more I want to sit pn mu butt and not do anything.

If anything this trial is making me very depressed. What do I do? How can I over come it> everyday I have to force myself to get out of bed, and face the same day over and over again. Lord please please help me. Tell me this too shall pas?

I really need to get my bills paid off and buy husband needs to be here for me more. I feel like he is Neve home. Last night I was in tears because I wanted him to stay home from basketball so he could just talk to me. I never have anyone to talk too.

My neighbor Gina will listen to me, but then she goes and tells everyone all my business. But of course she twists my words. And everyone from church has their own group of friends and I am too young and for that crowd.

Anyways, Anthony did stay home, he didn’t go to basketball but he was upset and just went to bed.

I had to go for a car ride and just cry. He really hurt my feelings. I needed to get away from all this stress.

No money, no where to go. I would really like to go shopping. I have no clothes

Please please help me!