9-13-2009

I don’t know what it is—every time I sit down to write about our life, the baby starts crying.

I just sat down, and sure enough, he began to cry. Luckily, Anthony is home now and was able to take him off my hands for a few minutes.

The past few weeks, Anthony has been busy working on a “big” project, which left me home alone with the kids from 5 a.m. until around 1 a.m. Those were very long days, but thankfully the project only lasted eleven days. As exhausting as it was, we also received many blessings during that time.

First blessing: School started just two days into the project, which gave me a few hours of semi-quiet time during the day. Anthony was also able to find moments for morning or evening prayers in between Home Depot runs, so the kids still got to see him briefly each day.

Another blessing was a gift from Sister Adams, a mother of six, who sent her house cleaner to help us for the next two months. My house has never been this clean before. If anyone is looking for a great house cleaner, let me know—you will be glad you did.

Even though Anthony was working long hours, we still made time to see each other throughout the day—whether it was me going to Home Depot with him or bringing him lunch every day. This experience really reminded me how much a family needs both a mother and a father. I have so much respect for women who have to do both roles—it is not easy.

To make things work, I had the kids lay out their clothes the night before school, lunches were made ahead of time, and dinner was planned with the slow cooker each night. Homework had to be done before soccer, along with scripture reading. Then it was soccer, showers, and bed. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how we did it, but I know the Lord blessed us through other people.

I really do love my husband very much, and I am so thankful for all the service he gives to our family.

Lately, I have been reading the Old Testament for my personal scripture study. Right now I am reading about Moses and the children of Israel. I told Anthony yesterday that I relate so much to them. The Lord has shown me so many miracles in my life, especially over these past few months with Anthony working for himself, yet I still find myself doubting.

What if he doesn’t find work when this next project is over? Even though he already has a few jobs lined up… Should I go back to daycare? Even though I know I shouldn’t, because I need to be home with my children?

I worry and doubt more than I should.

Will we ever be able to buy a house? How do we ever get there? These thoughts feel so small, but they still weigh on me. I need to stop thinking this way and instead live more like Christ—follow the commandments, teach my children, and be a better example. I also need to repent for not fully trusting the Lord.

When I do put my faith in Him, that is when I truly see miracles unfold. I can testify that when I read and pray daily, I feel so much more in tune with the Spirit and strengthened by the Holy Ghost. He has been my comfort in the hardest times.

I just wish I could fully share what I experience, because if others could feel what I feel, I believe it would turn hearts toward the God.