12-28-1998

December 28, 1998

Well, I got you, Diary, for Christmas three days ago from my grandmother.

Today was very, very hard. My grandpa went to the hospital because he had a heart attack. I keep thinking it might have been caused by me.

I am 18 years old and pregnant. I told my grandparents on Thanksgiving when we came home from my Aunt Debbie’s house. My cousin had just turned one, and she is seven and a half months pregnant—but she is planning to give her baby up for adoption.

I don’t know what to do with mine. My heart and my mind are telling me two different things. Everyone—Anthony, his parents, my aunt—is telling me I should give the baby up for adoption. My grandparents are the only ones who haven’t said anything.

My heart is telling me to keep it.

I don’t want this baby to be without a father, and Anthony—my boyfriend of the past two years—is saying to give it up. He doesn’t want the baby at all.

I am going to go. There is so much going on.