EMDR/Therapy

Today I finally made the appointment. On August 5th, I'll sit down with a therapist and begin EMDR therapy to start working through my childhood trauma. If you're just tuning in, I've spent the entire summer writing my book. As I've been writing and talking with my sister, I've realized just how much of my childhood is missing. My brain did what it had to do to protect me from everything that was happening. Don't get me wrong—I remember a lot. Bits and pieces. Half stories. M

Yesterday I walked into a therapist's office for the first time in almost ten years. That sentence alone feels huge. I've wanted to go back to therapy for a long time, but I was terrified. Terrified of what I might remember. Terrified of opening doors my mind has spent years keeping locked. But writing my book this summer has left me with more questions than answers, and I finally realized I couldn't keep running from them. I sat down on her couch, and for almost the entire s

I can't believe it's already July. Anthony took his first week of vacation so we could come to Devun's house and help him get his home and yard back under control. We've spent the last few days working hard, tackling weeds and cleaning everything up. We did run into a little problem with the house itself, but we'll deal with that tomorrow. Today, though, is all about family. Ava came up last night from Utah. Marissa and Zuriel drove in from California. Then, of course, there'

Tonight, someone told me how strong I am. I smiled, thanked them, and accepted the compliment because that's what I've learned to do. But the truth is, strength doesn't always feel strong. Sometimes strength looks like showing up when every part of you wants to disappear. Sometimes it looks like getting dressed, doing your job, celebrating someone else's joy, and saving your tears for the drive home. People see the woman who keeps going. They don't see the battles that never

I think the first fifteen years of my life were the hardest. Looking back, I realize I buried a lot of my emotions. Truthfully, I still do. It's easier for me not to feel than it is to share my feelings, only to somehow end up being treated like I'm the bad guy. It's easier to just hide them away. Although... the last time I did that, I ended up with severe PTSD and couldn't leave my house. I don't know what to do with all these feelings. I'm tired of being told how strong I

Hello world. I feel like I haven’t written a new blog in forever, and honestly, I don’t really know where to start. I’ve started counseling for PTSD, but what I’m really struggling with right now is severe anxiety. On Thursday, as I was driving to my session, I started to panic. I couldn’t breathe. I tried calling Anthony, hoping he could talk me through it, but he didn’t answer. So I said a quiet prayer—and somehow, that got me there. When I arrived, the therapist had us fil